Now, I'm not going to lie- I'm okay with sexist jokes. I think that a lot of jokes that cleverly poke fun at stereotypes for anything are funny, provided of course that everybody in on the joke is okay with that sort of humor. The majority of people don't take those jokes seriously at all, and it can be fun to laugh at how wrong these stereotypes are.
But of course, as there was no thought or any real humor put into this "joke," it wasn't funny. It wasn't playing on any stereotypes. It was just mean and asinine. So I called him out on it.
He didn't respond well at all to it.
His basic response was "JESUS CHRIST CAN'T YOU TAKE A JOKE!" I tried to keep it light, as I do detest conflict, but finally I got fed up, swallowed my fear of conflict and tried to debate with him.
It wasn't a debate so much as name-calling (at least on his part, tbh. I admit I was guilty of going off-topic for a sentence or two to refer to a couple of really off-handed statements he made, but I did try my best to remain as civil as possible). The whole thing ended with him telling me that it was sad that he was in a "stupid argument on Facebook," and that I "didn't understand him and how he doesn't give a f*ck" and that I "don't get his sense of humor." If you're reading this, you know who you are. Just know that I lost a lot of respect for you after this conversation, and this really demonstrated how hypocritical a lot of things you say can be (ie, if you really didn't "give a f*ck, why did you keep commenting?). But this whole incident did get me thinking, and I came up with this:
If this were the same joke but instead of saying "sluts" he said "gay people," and I had called him out on it, chances are there would not only be a LOT more people jumping on him along with me, but he would have seen the error of his ways and apologized for the humorless and thoughtless statement. Why is that, I wonder? It seems to me that so many people view feminists in our culture as "pushy" and "bitchy," even if that's just an example of how misogynist people can be without even realizing it (an assertive woman seems to= bitchy in modern culture). However, people who battle for other rights don't seem to be viewed anywhere near as negatively as feminists. Is it because people into gay rights obviously still have a far way to go, whereas women in the US can vote and have (for the most part) completely equal rights? Is it because the whole debate about gay marriage vs. no gay marriage is completely visible to the public, but the hidden misogyny in people's statements and attitudes is so well-concealed since these misogynist attitudes are so socially acceptable?
Let me say that I am totally FOR gay rights, definitely. I think it's a VERY worthy cause to be active for and I myself definitely call people out on it if they're being homophobic without even realizing it, but even then I don't participate in the gay rights movement nearly as much as I'd like to. I was just using gay rights as an example.
But my point is, people seem to think feminists have it all, that there is nothing to fight for. What about the hidden misogynist attitudes I just spoke about that are so deeply embedded into our culture that they're socially acceptable? What about the women shamed and humiliated because they weren't "careful" enough and got raped? What about the women in Congress with unequal pay? Don't even get me started on the women in the middle east who have to deal with attitudes even worse than what American women had to face at the worst times!!
People seem to think that the feminist's mission is over, that at this point they're just being "bitchy" and "pushy" and are something to be ignored, but that is obviously far from the case. I think what us feminists need to do is make people more aware of the issues involving feminism that are still around today, so that maybe, just MAYBE if we call somebody out for their misogynist attitudes, they won't view us as the person fighting for the dead cause. Maybe if we try hard enough, we can show people that feminism is a very worthy cause not to be ignored, and that we are far from done.
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